Frozen in Time

Hello kids!

Another month has disappeared just like the snow has! 

(picture me knocking on wood while I frantically check the 10 day forecast..)

We just went through a mighty ice storm here over the weekend and with the power flickering I had many opportunities to pause and admire the beauty around us despite the nasty weather. The ice made the world beautiful as well as hazardous. Spring was frozen in time for a bit and I took it upon myself to do the same. 

Mindfulness has been a very important practice to me as someone who has difficulty keeping my mind tethered to the here and now. I am a chronic over-thinker and feel best when I have a full understanding of every option available to me at any given time. You could say that I like to feel in control. I do not enjoy feeling out of control. 

During my meditations I struggle at times to control my thinking and where my mind feels like it needs to go.

But I have learned that I have control over my reactions to what my mind is doing. I can (eventually) notice that I am thinking and not being mindful. I can let go of the thought and return to the moment at hand. I have the ability to be in control over those things where once I thought I had none. I used to get swept up in the narrative and be taken along for the ride. But learning that I am able to return to shore, so to speak, has been life changing.

In moments like during the ice storm, I have no control over things like the power being available to me or whether the trees in the backyard would topple over. It can feel scary to be unable to know things. But you can only control what YOU have control over...

It's funny though, being an artist means that you have all the control right? 

You would think that, but you know what, you don't always or in all ways!

Sometimes the medium you are using is a bit playful and rebellious, it can act in unpredictable ways. I have heard artists who use alcohol inks talk about this. That just because you are the one creating you don't have full control over what happens, colours can flow together in unexpected ways, replicating designs or patterns can be a useless endeavor! 

Paint can be like this as well, sometimes you mix a colour JUST right and suddenly you run out and are unable to replicate the palette over and over again!

Sometimes when I am inking a pencil drawing my hand doesn't seem to do what my eyes are telling it to do and I mislay a line. Or a colour of marker I chose doesn't work out, it runs out halfway through, it bleeds everywhere, muddling up hours of work. It can be so frustrating. There's no Undo button in traditional artwork. I used to get upset. But, thanks to mindfulness I remember, all of this is a learning experience, when you get right at the heart of it.

You don't have control over everything.

I like to think, "what is the universe trying to show me right now?" when I have an experience that doesn't go how I thought it would. What can I learn? 

You learn to look at things from a different point of view. Am I able to blend something differently? Add something here? Take something out? Should the lines do this instead of that? How can I play with this and learn from it?

Sometimes you learn that starting over again is the best way forward!

If you ever find that you're struggling with something and you feel that awful out of control feeling creeping up from your gut, take a big deep breath and try to remember that you only have control over what you have control over and let go.

I hope you learn a lot this month!

The Goat