The Only Good Goat This Side of the Moon

Winter is such a difficult season. 

It's cold.

So frickin' cold.

The holiday season keeps it at bay for a while, the colourful lights and anticipation keeping everyone busy. I noticed a shift this year, maybe it's my age, maybe it's the general state of the world, but people are definitely struggling to cope this year. The winter is hitting harder than usual.

I am struggling to believe that the summer will come again.

Even in the daylight it feels too overwhelming. The cold. 

I have been trying to be compassionate with myself, by taking things a bit easier, by not pushing to do my usual routine, to be flexible and hibernate a bit. Accept this as a season of rest. To slow down and listen to what I have the energy for. But it's becoming a bit hard to even do that. It feels a bit like freezing to death.

It feels like gravity is getting heavier.

So this month I have pushed myself. I have reached out into the community, I have been trying my best to keep going with my established routines, I have been trying to be cheerful and be grateful for what I have. I have ensured that there's lots of laughter and fun around me, kept myself busy with interesting people and activities. Sought and given joy. Despite all my trying it's getting tiring, the negative energy is hard to combat. The balance is hard to fight to maintain.

The spirits keep saying I need to practice more gratitude despite all of this and it's beginning to frustrate me.  I feel weighed down. It's getting harder to push back above the water. Choking and spluttering each time. I want to go back to the sandy bottom and lay there for a bit. Watch the sunlight speckle the surface from way down there. Appreciate the peace that comes from the darkness. I suppose it's time for another hibernation.

I know it isn't viable to always be on top of your game. Especially with everything that's going on in the world right now.

Believe me, I know!

I will be able to come up again soon. I just need to rest. But boy, am I tired of dealing with myself.

Mostly I want you, dear reader, to know that everyone feels like this sometimes. 

Knowing that others go through these periods helps make things a bit lighter. Knowing that it does get better does too. Things are hard right now. But they won't always be that way. Soon it will be spring again, the air will warm again, the ice will melt, the snow will wash away in the rains and the flowers will begin to bloom.

Once more, you will emerge.

Hold onto that thought, like the mouse does, cozy in it's nest.

Love,

The Goat